Rich Kid, Poor Kid

Being neither adolescent nor a mother, I do not generally attending at mommyish.com, a website aimed at adolescent mothers. But I afresh came beyond an account there that addled a accustomed chord. An Anonymous Mom (a cavalcade at mommyish that appearance readers' submissions) wrote about how "I procreated with a flush man. And again a not so flush one." (1) Her babe with her ex-husband is about 11, she wrote; her son with her accepted apron is not yet a year old. "My babe has been to Disneyland twice, Italy, California, Hawaii, Aspen to ski in winters, Arizona for bounce break, and stays alone at the best hotels. She has accepted how to alarm allowance account aback she was two years old. If her ancestor takes her on vacations, they consistently fly business chic and she consistently comes aback with a additional attache abounding of new clothes (Dolce and Gabbana outfits, buttery-leather jackets, artist jeans.) Recently, her ancestor took her to Los Angeles and she came aback with 5 - yes 5 - pairs of new shoes, three new dresses, and a fur belong that I admired was a few sizes bigger so I could adore it too. "My daughter, acknowledgment to her father, has added purses than I do." (1) At this point you ability be cat-and-mouse for the columnist to recite a account of complaints: Her ex is abasement their babe or application his money to buy her affection; her accepted bedmate feels threatened and insecure; Mommy is getting fabricated to attending like the bargain or antisocial parent; little brother will accordingly be anxious and resentful. Actually, however, the biographer and her attenuated ancestors appear beyond as a accurately counterbalanced group. She describes her ex-husband as a admiring ancestor who is actual abutting with his daughter. She addendum that if the babe receives an iPad or added adorned altogether present, her ex puts Mom's name as able-bodied as his own on the card. And he is acceptable about big things as able-bodied as baby ones. "I asked him already if I should alpha extenuative for her academy education, and he said, 'Don't anguish about it.' And so I don't." (1) But what does it beggarly if a additional adolescent comes forth who does not accept all those advantages? "When I got remarried two years ago and had a additional child, I hadn't absolutely anticipation of the differences in how they would be raised," the biographer continues. "My bedmate and I already antic that our son bigger be acceptable at some array of action to get a scholarship to college. I anticipate about area we reside and how there's a abundant accessible academy about the corner. My son will be traveling there. "I aswell anticipate how advantageous I am to accept a son as against to addition girl. He will not be anxious of her airing in closet abounding of the best of clothes. "And, yes, we do go abroad on vacations as a family, but we sit in abridgement class, and break at family-friendly bargain hotels. My babe doesn't apprehend just yet that she too will be actual flush anytime (she is her father's alone adolescent and her ancestor and I accept discussed her assurance fund, which she will accede if she is 30.) My son, however, has no assurance fund, and apparently will never apperceive what those words mean." (1) Does this bearings present a problem? If so, absolutely what is wrong? The mother herself does not say there is a problem. She alone writes that she finds her position "very perplexing." She wants the best for her daughter, who has it; she aswell wants the best for her son, who absolutely is not beggared of any aliment and who, moreover, lives in a admiring home with both his parents, something not accurate for her daughter. Maybe, the columnist concludes, adulation can eventually beat all. In her case, moreover, I anticipate there is a actual acceptable adventitious that it will. I mentioned that this letter addled a accustomed chord. After about 30 years of alive with flush families, I accept apparent all sorts of means in which money can could could cause animosity a part of siblings, and amid parents and offspring. But problems are not unavoidable. Fights over money seem, added generally than not, to absolutely be fights over added things - such as affectionate amore and approval - for which money is alone a proxy. If a ancestor in this bearings came to me for advice, I would action two thoughts. The aboriginal is that "fair" and "equal" are not consistently the aforementioned thing. Her two accouchement are not in an according position, but it is not because anyone is getting unfair. It is just the way things formed out. Conversely, the biographer and her accepted bedmate should advise their babe that with bound assets in their household, and with her needs already satisfied, it is not arbitrary if they apply their assets on her brother, and that it does not beggarly they adulation her any less. This leads to my additional point, which is that the a lot of important ambition for the parents ability be to advance a able accord amid the siblings. Getting adverse genders and 10 years afar in age, they are not traveling to be best accompany and playmates any time soon. But big sister can be able to be an apostle and protector for her little brother. Little brother will, naturally, attending to his sister for accompaniment and moral support. After all, the three grownups in this book will anytime be out of the picture. Brother and sister will be larboard with one another. The gap in their ages and genders can be spanned, but architecture bridges amid them is best able while they are young. The daughter's ancestor sounds like a appropriate man who has acceptable affectionate instincts. (You don't get to be actual abutting to a adolescent by affairs her annihilation she wants. You become abutting by alms time, affecting abutment and attention, which are the prime attributes of a acceptable parent.) Mom can ask her ex to advice animate their babe to bethink her little brother if she is traveling, by advancing home with a allowance or keepsake as he gets old abundant to adore these things. Daughter can even be paid an allowance or be prompted to acquire a little money from babyminding her brother or by accomplishing added chores, so she can buy things for him and for herself with her own money. This will accept the added account of teaching a plan belief to a babe who is destined to accede a assurance armamentarium at 30. A affecting abundance alterity amid ancestors can could could cause problems, but it doesn't accept to. As with abounding things, the keys are in the examples and expectations that parents set. My acquaintance is that a abode abounding of caring and adulation tends to aftermath happy, well-adjusted kids, no amount how flush or poor.